Category Archives: Mindfulness

Meditation Exaltation

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It was almost three years ago that I took my first yoga teacher intensive with Elena Brower. I learned so much in those three days and yet she said the one thing she wanted us to leave with was the importance of a daily meditation practice. I knew meditation was important and I had dabbled in it but I never fully committed. I don’t know about you but I often have to hear things multiple times in multiple ways before they stick. And so I left that training with my intention set…I would become a daily meditator. And I did! I sat each day for 365 days straight. It was perhaps the most accomplished I had ever felt about anything. I also felt great.

But as life would have it, I did not continue long term with such vigor. I never fully gave up but I had moments where my practice waxed and waned. I had a time where I was more focused on asana and that was a nice change. They are both important and I struggled to balance my time between the two. Also, dedication and consistency do not come naturally to me and so I really have to make an effort. Maybe that is true for everyone but the story I sometimes tell myself is that other people commit and achieve things easier than I do.

My recent dip in dedicated came when we moved back to San Diego. For whatever glorious reason (sheer exhaustion I think) I was sleeping in a lot more than I ever have before. And so my practice suffered. If I don’t sit the moment I wake, before I start other things, it just won’t happen. I felt bad about it (because I packed my meditation cushion and everything!) but I let my body get the rest it needed.

Recently I started a new job and I knew it would be an adjustment. Funny to think when I had all the time in the world I was sleeping in. But now that I am getting up earlier I am making time to sit. It’s so worth it! But I have to choose it each day. I can’t hit snooze or do other things. It helps that right now we are living in one room and my cushion is literally right off my bed. So I roll out of bed, sit down, set my timer and just be.

If you are thinking that you can’t meditate or don’t have the time I challenge you to acknowledge that it doesn’t come easy for any of us and that’s why we practice. Also, we make time for what’s important.

But this is about me and my journey, not yours. Although if you needed that extra loving push to get started or keep going…here it is! I am here to say that meditation has changed my life and I’m grateful for all the times and ways it has enhanced my practice, shown me life lessons and impacted the way I show up in the world. It sounds somewhat silly to say it has made me a better person but it’s the truth. Just sit friends. You won’t regret it. And make sure to forgive yourself and keep going when your practice lags.

It should be noted that there are times when a seated meditation practice can bring up too much and is not recommended. In cases of trauma or extreme emotional distress meditation should either be avoided, approached with extreme caution or done with the support of a trauma informed therapist or meditation instructor. There is a great book on this topic that I just read called “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness” by David Treleaven. It’s a great read.

photo by Darci Fontenot

On Not Being an Asshole & Self-Forgiveness

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Telling the truth about how I feel and speaking up about what I want are not struggles I have had since I entered this world. Granted I’ve been through phases and relationships where I find it more difficult to communicate, I am largely an outspoken outgoing individual. Early on in my husband and my dating life my mother made the comment that perhaps she failed to build a filter into my little brain. It has been both a blessing and a curse and navigating the balance has been enough work to keep me busy in this life.

I have learned that not everyone can say what’s on their mind with ease. It was difficult for me to understand why people couldn’t just say what they needed. But after years of working with people I have come to realize it is a real challenge for many.

While I am grateful for this gift life has given me, just because I can say what’s on my mind doesn’t mean I have figured out how to do it well. Sometimes I open my mouth to say something and it comes out sounding pretty damn rude! I rarely mean to be a jerk but my tone and choice of words are often lacking.

This happened recently with a stranger who came over to ask me a question. I was caught off guard and responded harshly without thinking. I tried to backtrack when I heard the words leave my lips but I doubt it was enough to make up for my sharp tongue. I was embarrassed because it was witnessed by a friend and I mumbled something like “Wow, I think that sounded way worse than I meant it to”

And so as per usual when I have a human moment, I agonized over it that day and into the next. Thankfully many times when I speak before thinking or lose my cool I can apologize because it’s happened with someone I know. With this particular stranger I had no way of reaching him. I was bummed to think he would be walking around without the knowledge that I’m not really that awful.

I was left with only one thing to do really. Forgive myself first. We all experience foot in mouth moments and sometimes they are at the expense of others feelings. Dwelling on it and feeling badly about myself wouldn’t get me very far. So I forgave myself and vowed to work on finding more space. If speaking before thinking is my pattern then pausing and feeling before responding is my work.

And a little while later I told my husband about it and we both laughed at how ridiculous I can be. I figure it shouldn’t be so hard not to be an asshole but this class is almost always on my Earth school curriculum.

Sorry, Not Sorry

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As a young adult I worked at the Del Mar Fair. It was a great summer job. You work everyday for the 20 or so days the fair is open with time in between work to enjoy the fun. I would plan out my daytime shifts so I could see the evening concerts I wanted, went often to say hello to the baby pigs and ate my fair share of deep fried and cheesy foods. I hold a lot of memories and life lessons from that time.

There was the time that I asked a man to see his ID for his credit card purchase and he said “My name is Inigo Montoya” to which I naturally replied “you killed my father prepare to die.” He was more than impressed with my knowledge of the reference.

The realization that many teachers were so underpaid that they needed to work the fair to earn extra money.

And the bicycle cop and man from the money room who flirted with me and made me feel special.

But of all the things that my young insecure self experienced, the one that sticks with me the most was this interaction with a customer. I went to give a man his change and not all of it landed in his hand. I sheepishly apologized as I fumbled with the coins. He looked me dead in the eye and said very seriously, “Don’t ever apologize too much in life” Taken aback I nearly squeaked “I’m sorry” but I caught myself just in time.

Since that time my awareness of all the times I apologize has increased. Frankly myself and many other women say it so often. Sometimes it seemed I was apologizing just for existing. It was almost an involuntary reflex. My ongoing work is to notice my “I’m sorrys” and to change my language. Offering up thank you instead of sorry is a useful tool I have learned. It’s certainly not perfect, but I am getting better.

So when I heard the young lady I work with apologize about seven times in one minute I cringed and remembered this lesson that was once bestowed upon me. She is just slightly older than I was during my fair days and likely just as insecure. I hesitated to say anything because it’s not really my place and maybe it would put her on the spot. But I sat uncomfortably thinking about what it might be like not to tell her also. I wavered back and forth and finally…

First I asked her if she didn’t mind getting unsolicited advice. Sure she said. Then I told her as sweetly as I could not to apologize too much in life. I shared with her my own process of understanding this and that it takes practice and awareness. I also told her my thank you trick. Her first reaction was that of slight embarrassment. Her body tensed and I think she even turned a little red. But as I shared my experience and admitted that I still don’t have it all figured out she softened. The spark of truth lit up inside her, she looked me in the eye and said thanks for sharing that.

Life’s too short to spend all your time apologizing. Unless of course you have screwed up. In that case, a heartfelt apology can go a long way and is most certainly warranted.

Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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Spiritual Hygiene – Just do it!

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I brush my teeth every day…at least twice a day really. But somehow I had convinced myself that I didn’t need to meditate every day. I told countless stories in my head about how I could still be spiritual, a good yogini and healer even, without a consistent meditation practice. It’s not that I didn’t try. I had periods where I got my butt to my cushion several days or even weeks in a row. But, it never became a daily routine I could keep.

I would be lying if I said that I am stellar at being consistent with anything. I struggle to keep healthy habits, like many of us I imagine. I had a period in my life where I juiced every day for close to two years, one of my best streaks to date!

Today, my 90th day of meditation in a row feels pretty sweet. Three months is a solid effort but it truly feels like a habit now. I felt validated about how far I have come this past weekend when I attended the Yoga Journal Live! conference. Friday morning I went to the guided meditation and I found myself wishing for more silence. The facilitator was, I suspect, just trying to make it accessible for everyone but she guided just a little too much for me. I was yearning to just be with my own thoughts. It was a pivotal moment.

Just to clarify, the goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of thoughts. That is an impossible task that would leave all of us feeling like failures. Meditation helps clear out the junk that life throws at us with the simple goal of more peace and a deeper connection to self. There is also a ton of research out there about how helpful it is on a mind, body and spirit level. Even the most skeptical can’t argue with the research about the many benefits of meditation.

I don’t find it easy all the time but just like anything in life, practice really does make better. And I have to say I feel more peaceful about a lot of things. I specifically noticed an area in which I would normally react, and most recently did not.

I totally understand if you are thinking meditation is not for you or if your mind is finding all the excuses. I have been there and I can’t promise I won’t end up there at some point in the future. But just for today, I am happily sitting for 20 minutes each day when I wake. It makes me a better wife, friend, teacher and human in general.

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Everyone Looks Beautiful in Savasana

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This last week I taught my first yoga class as a volunteer for a local mental health and social services agency. I was so happy to have the time and energy to be able to give back to people who do work that I know first hand can be extremely stressful. In fact, I had long lost my ability to give back more than what was required for my job and it was really affecting me. When I first got out of grad school I was full of passion and excitement to make a difference in the world. That included giving back to my coworkers and going out of my way to make the workplace more nourishing, Over time the work got to me and I didn’t like the bitter, jaded person I was becoming. I’m honestly not sure if I was cut out for the work I was doing, but from a very young age I have always wanted to help people and make a difference. I’m so grateful that I can now use yoga to help others. And in turn help myself connect back to the energy of giving. My favorite part is looking at the softened faces of my students as they relax into the final resting pose.

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Hopelessly Devoted

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The trees are calling me.

“Hey you. Yes you. Come play with us!” And yet some days I resist. Yes, it’s colder up here but I have a new coat and heaps of scarves. I have some of the most amazing trees in my own neighborhood including a pair of really tall beauties right down the block. They have such great energy!

Some days I think I forget that I’m no longer confined to an office under fluorescent lights all day. Like an animal who has been captive for so long, it takes them awhile to adjust to their freedom. I want to be wild again though and that means devotion to the trees. devotion to nature as a temple and devotion to my own health.

I’ll see you outside!

Radiant Beauty

Radiant Beauty

 

Healthy Happy Holidays

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There is no denying it now…the holidays are here! This time of year can be joyful and fun but can also come with stress, sickness and obligation. Here are my best tips for making the most of it and staying sane:

Emotional/Energetic Health

*Hell yes or no! – When you are asked to attend that party, bake 12 dozen cookies, shop the crowds, etc, etc take a moment to ask yourself if you really want to go. If your whole self doesn’t say “hell yes, that sounds awesome” then say no. It is easy to get overwhelmed with plans and then feel drained. Do only what nourishes you. I understand that some family obligations may not be a hell yes but you still have to or want to go. I get that, but minimize this as much as possible and if a family gathering is really not going to be in your best interest, give yourself permission to say no to that also.

*Get quiet & relax– nature dictates this as a time of year to go within ourselves and reflect. The days are shorter and the weather is getting colder. It’s natural to want to stay home and cuddle up but this has been made into the busiest time of the year for many. Make time to sit in meditation, take a gentle yoga class or just lounge around and watch Netflix.

*Loving-kindness – Being around family (or not having family) can stir up old hurts. Ram Dass wisely says “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family” We can easily get caught up in re-living the past, the unsavory political dinner conversations or feeling attacked for your life choices. The ancient practice of loving-kindness can shift this feeling in you in the moment or over time. There are different versions of this, some more adapted for Westerners but it goes something like this. You can do this formally in meditation or say this to yourself toward someone during an encounter with family. Another thing that I like to do if I am struggling to listen or relate, is to imagine energy flowing from my heart to theirs. In whatever practice you choose, remember to first love yourself!

*Fresh air/nature – We end up being inside more this time of year but don’t forget to get some fresh air and connect to nature. This helps us stay grounded and reduces stress. Getting your bare feet in the earth may not be an option but make contact with a tree trunk and feel the energy flow. Tree hugging is a thing and it’s good for us! 🙂

Physical Health

*More H2O – It’s easy to forget to drink water when it’s no longer warm outside but your body needs water in the winter too. Drink just as much water, if not more, than you would during the warmer months. I like to start the morning with warm lemon water with a dash of cayenne pepper. It helps me to start drinking water in the morning so I continue the trend throughout the day.

*Essential oils – I have several go-to oils for my health. Thieves, peppermint, oregano and lavender are my recommendations. Thieves is great for sickness prevention and keeping the immune system strong, peppermint and lavender are the best all around oils for a long list of things and oregano is natures antibiotic. I use the oils topically, diffused and internally. Make sure you have therapeutic grade in order to ingest them, not all oils are created equally. I use Young Living but there are other brands out there that are high quality as well, please do your research.

*Green smoothies/juices – I love veggies as much as the next girl and I cook with and eat them often. But for me, the best way to get tons of green goodness into my system is to make a juice or smoothie. Lately I have been giving my Vitamix a lot of love and have a formula that I more or less follow.

80/20 veggies to fruits and fruits that are low on the glycemic index like apples and berries (many folks make the mistake of making a very fruit forward creation that is high in sugar), vary your greens and veggies, water as base instead of fruit juice, chia seeds, spirulina, cacao for a treat, fresh ginger, cinnamon, cayenne. Winter is typically a time for soups and stews which I say yes to as well but I add the ginger, cinnamon and cayenne to bring that warming quality that we desire in the winter. I happen to love ginger and include it most of the time anyway but especially in winter.

*Vitamins/herbal supplements – Putting good food in your body is critical but I also take certain vitamins and herbs to ensure I stay well. A good quality multiple is helpful but I also take a B complex, vitamin D (more during the winter), vitamin C (extra if I feel under the weather) and Maca root when I need an energy boost. I also drink herbal tea regularly and either buy loose leaf or the Traditional Medicinals brand that is most often organic and is formulated by herbalists. This blend of things is what helps me most but every body is different. As my good friend and health coach says “if your supplements don’t make you feel better, it’s just expensive urine” Explore and find out what works best for you.

Spiritual Health

*Sing, dance and be merry – Let the spirit of the season envelop you. If you don’t love it all, choose what you do love and go with that. Song and dance have great power and when done correctly (correct = whatever you resonate with) can be a spiritual experience. Move your lips and your hips and do it with love.

*Celebrate ceremoniously – Holiday traditions are sometimes deeply rooted or newly minted. Find something fun about this time of year and make it sacred. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working or no longer fits your mold, change it! Ceremonies are important but only if they make you feel awesome. I love getting out my holiday decorations and looking at my recap of last year and hopes and dreams for this one – I keep them in the decoration boxes. I also have this great collection of sweet collectors bears that make me smile year after year.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering. May this holiday season be filled with joy and love.

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El Colibrí de Alegría

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There are 132 different types of hummingbirds in Ecuador. Since I have been back from my month long trip there I have seen one or two everyday. On my first day back to my day job I was looking longingly out the window during our morning meeting, honestly wishing I wasn’t there, when I saw a sweet little hummingbird outside. It made me smile and remember my great trip and all the joy and freedom I felt while I was gone. But, being back didn’t yet feel joyful and free. I have a great life with a lot to be thankful and joyful for but I was still focusing on the desire to be back on my trip. Anytime we are gone experiencing a new and different culture, coming back is an adjustment. In reality, we come back to a new version of our world seen through the eyes of all of our new experiences. The hummingbird was there to remind me to be joyful in this moment, to be present. These little birds now find me while I am out walking, leaving my place for the day or in moments where I need this reminder.

Hummingbirds represent joy, specifically finding the joy in what we do each moment. Their flying abilities are not rivaled in any other species of birds, they are fast, agile and daring. They remind us to grab joy while we can, as quickly as we can, and that if we are truly enjoying what we do we become light enough to fly.

Image by: Ama White Owl http://amawhiteowl.wordpress.com/

Image by: Ama White Owl http://amawhiteowl.wordpress.com/

The School of Life is Now in Session

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I believe that we are all students in the school of life and we were placed here on Earth in this body to learn certain lessons. The good and the bad of it is that if you do not learn the lesson the first, fifth, or hundredth time, you have to take the class again. I also believe certain lessons continue to show up when they are very important or perhaps when you just need a refresher course. I am traveling in Ecuador and studying Spanish for a month and the lessons are abundant.

There are no coincidences: This one has come up for me a lot lately and I am grateful every time because I often need reminders. All things happen in perfect timing. The first person I met when I got off the plane told me he has been studying Reiki. I am a Reiki master/teacher and this felt like the coolest wink and hug from the universe. The woman where I am staying is just amazing and was the perfect person to come into my life. She embodies all that I have been studying over the past few years. We have talked about things like enjoying the moment by staying in the present, trusting that everything will work out and enjoying the flow of life. Every time we talk, she is telling me something that I have been working on and that has come to be a part of my everyday life. It’s like a review of all my life classes over the last few years.

Water is healing: This is a reccurring theme in my life as well. Just before I left I was going to a weekly yoga class by the water and it was amazing. Here in Cuenca, there are 4 rivers that run through the city. One of them is near my school and I walk by it everyday. There is simply something that is so peaceful about the water; it always brings a smile to my face. To me it represents the flow of life and that the only certainty we have, is change.

Enjoy each moment: Mindfulness is something that I try to work on in my everyday life but I think is especially important when you are experiencing a new culture. There are extraordinary things even in the ordinary moments of life and travel. My host mom exemplified this perfectly on the first day when she was walking me to school. We were walking and talking and she stopped in her tracks to admire a flower in bloom. She said something to the effect of “how beautiful! That wasn’t there before” and it was such a nice reminder to take the time to notice things in life.

It’s not always necessary to eat the minute you feel hungry: Here in Ecuador the biggest meal is lunch. I have traveled other places where that is the case and I really enjoy it. I found when I first arrived that I was feeling pretty hungry by the time lunch arrived (served in the home where I am staying about 1 or 1:30) But, I really enjoyed each bite by the time I ate lunch. I realized that at home I am often rushing to eat as soon as I feel hungry or often times even before I am actually hungry. I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeling hungry for a little bit, it means you are alive and your stomach is working as it should. And, as I have experienced it makes the food that you do eat so much better instead of mindlessly eating something just because you think you need to.

Your personal bubble is not as necessary as you think: I have noticed in Latin America there is much less emphasis on maintaining your personal space. People here kiss on the cheek to say hello to friends and people they have just met (I LOVE this) and you will often find someone will sit right next to you when there are other seats nearby. People tend to stand closer than you might be used to as well. At first it can be a bit strange when people from the US will think twice about sitting next to a stranger on a bench and guys try their hardest to keep a seat in between each other at the movie theater. But, ultimately you end up sharing more experiences this way. Our perception of a personal bubble is keeping us from connecting with others.

Travel the way the locals do: This one is important to me when I go somewhere new. I think you learn a lot about the people and the culture when you take their public transportation. It is not always as comfortable or as easy as getting a guide or going the tourist route but it is worth the experience.

Let go of your plans: I love making plans way ahead of time. I love putting things on my calendar and waiting with excitement and anticipation. I am a planner in my real life but when you are traveling many times you have to abandon your plans. It is totally fine to make plans but be prepared for the great possibility that they won’t always work out. Sometimes the greatest adventures happen when your plans don’t work out.

Health and wellness is a growing trend everywhere: The city where I am staying places great emphasis on exercise and heath. They have created parks with workout equipment and dedicated trails for runners, walkers and bikers. These parks also hold classes that are free or very affordable for the people of the city. Just like in the US, Ecuador has been having a problem with people who are not active enough and their health is affected as a result. Being that I am in the health and wellness business it is really refreshing to see such emphasis on this. It is entertaining and heart warming to hear the music of the exercise classes early in the morning and to see folks getting together later at night to run, jog, dance, walk or bike. I was also able to find a yoga class led by a couple who moved here from the US.

Stay open to the life lessons that are coming your way. Do you continue to be enrolled in the same class but never do the homework or pass the test? For me traveling continues to open my mind and provide me with amazing life lessons. Where do you get your best lessons?

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