Category Archives: Higher Self

Meditation Exaltation

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It was almost three years ago that I took my first yoga teacher intensive with Elena Brower. I learned so much in those three days and yet she said the one thing she wanted us to leave with was the importance of a daily meditation practice. I knew meditation was important and I had dabbled in it but I never fully committed. I don’t know about you but I often have to hear things multiple times in multiple ways before they stick. And so I left that training with my intention set…I would become a daily meditator. And I did! I sat each day for 365 days straight. It was perhaps the most accomplished I had ever felt about anything. I also felt great.

But as life would have it, I did not continue long term with such vigor. I never fully gave up but I had moments where my practice waxed and waned. I had a time where I was more focused on asana and that was a nice change. They are both important and I struggled to balance my time between the two. Also, dedication and consistency do not come naturally to me and so I really have to make an effort. Maybe that is true for everyone but the story I sometimes tell myself is that other people commit and achieve things easier than I do.

My recent dip in dedicated came when we moved back to San Diego. For whatever glorious reason (sheer exhaustion I think) I was sleeping in a lot more than I ever have before. And so my practice suffered. If I don’t sit the moment I wake, before I start other things, it just won’t happen. I felt bad about it (because I packed my meditation cushion and everything!) but I let my body get the rest it needed.

Recently I started a new job and I knew it would be an adjustment. Funny to think when I had all the time in the world I was sleeping in. But now that I am getting up earlier I am making time to sit. It’s so worth it! But I have to choose it each day. I can’t hit snooze or do other things. It helps that right now we are living in one room and my cushion is literally right off my bed. So I roll out of bed, sit down, set my timer and just be.

If you are thinking that you can’t meditate or don’t have the time I challenge you to acknowledge that it doesn’t come easy for any of us and that’s why we practice. Also, we make time for what’s important.

But this is about me and my journey, not yours. Although if you needed that extra loving push to get started or keep going…here it is! I am here to say that meditation has changed my life and I’m grateful for all the times and ways it has enhanced my practice, shown me life lessons and impacted the way I show up in the world. It sounds somewhat silly to say it has made me a better person but it’s the truth. Just sit friends. You won’t regret it. And make sure to forgive yourself and keep going when your practice lags.

It should be noted that there are times when a seated meditation practice can bring up too much and is not recommended. In cases of trauma or extreme emotional distress meditation should either be avoided, approached with extreme caution or done with the support of a trauma informed therapist or meditation instructor. There is a great book on this topic that I just read called “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness” by David Treleaven. It’s a great read.

photo by Darci Fontenot

Love & Soul Conversations

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Today is my second wedding anniversary and our eighth year as a couple. We will celebrate together tonight and then I teach a Level 2 Reiki class on Sunday. Reiki 2 is a celebration and a homecoming of its own for me. My master presented it to me as the level of love and of healing relationships and I really took that to heart. The personal work that I did following my initiation into the second level of Reiki was the healing balm my heart needed to embrace marriage. I left the past in the past and opened my heart to a love-filled future with the best guy.

Now I teach the idea of finding solace from the feelings and emotions that accompany human relationships. Life is messy and heart break is real but love and compassion heal so many things. We often need to let go of the past to make room for what the future holds. It might seem ideal to hash it out in person, but sometimes it’s not appropriate or possible. Enter the soul conversation…

When individuals come together on a soul level much can be accomplished. If there is a situation, relationship or person that needs healing, consider doing the work in a meditation or dream state. Soul conversations give us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions, ask for and offer forgiveness and send love to the situation. It’s important to recognize the role we played in the relationship, this is not a time for shaming and blaming. Each relationship has something to teach us and propels us into our next stage of personal growth.

Starting in meditation, take a few deep breaths offering love to yourself and your journey. Say a prayer or set an intention such as:

“May I find healing for the highest good of all concerned. May I take responsibility for my role and forgive both myself and the other parties. May the love that is offered up transform pain into sweetness, stuck energy into freedom.”

Ask to connect with the person or situation and have the conversation that you might like to have in person. Honor your part, share any sadness or anger, maybe even remember fun times too. Ask if they have anything to say and ask that they support you in letting go. Then fill the space between you with love. It may seem silly or not real but as is true with energy work, action follows intention. Whatever you come up with, even if it seems made up, is as real an experience as any other.

End with gratitude for self. Gratitude for the individual. Gratitude for life and the Divine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It may take various times with some reflection in between. Be patient and kind during this process and recognize achievements. Then watch life bloom.

I celebrate love every day and each time I return to teach Reiki, I find new levels of healing that are revealed. Each layer that we unveil is a gift and an opportunity. May we all step into our highest self with an open heart.

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Meditation 365

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I did it! A year of meditating every day.

I woke up this morning so so excited…like a kid going to Disneyland. I got my butt to my meditation cushion and felt an immense amount of gratitude. I have showed up for myself again and again and it has made a huge impact.

It hasn’t always been easy or ideal but each day I made a commitment to cultivating more peace and to making time for stillness. It’s the greatest gift I have given myself.

And I find that when life feels rough, meditation is the first thing I want to do now. Not to bypass the emotion but to let it wash over me so it can slowly dissipate. Elena Brower, my teacher and inspiration in all of this, says it’s like inviting the house cleaner over each morning. Meditation sweeps out the dirt life throws at us leaving our hearts polished.

My absolute hope is to keep up this practice but I also know that gentleness and forgiveness is part of this journey. 365 days of devotion to self-love and self-care is a foundation that I know will continue to serve me. Adding in a second afternoon/evening meditation and creating more space for the physical practice are my hopes for the future.

Breath. Softness. Opening to Love. Commitment. Practice. Stillness.

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The Myth of Mastery

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This past weekend I had the pleasure of teaching my first Reiki Master class. I’ve been teaching Levels 1 & 2 since 2012 and I have come across so many wonderful souls on this journey. It is one of my greatest joys in life to share this healing technique with those who are interested. When I was young I wanted to be a teacher, mostly because I loved learning and I admired my teachers. And while my original intent was to be a school teacher, this role of teaching has morphed into many different things, one of them being sharing and teaching Reiki.

I knew in my heart I wanted to teach the master level at some point but I never felt enough mastery to justify it. As with most of the things I have interest in, I feel I could go a lifetime and not understand it all. Lucky for me the universe sent me all the right signs that I was in fact ready and to get my butt in gear. And so it was that I had the most beautiful weekend with 5 other healers on the path.

The thing I struggled with the most, was that because Reiki has been passed down over the years, there are variations on the teachings. I wanted to share the most authentic, closest to source information available but damned if I could figure out what that was. Usui (the founder of this kind of Reiki) lived long ago and there are not many people who truly know what he was offering. Especially since it is widely known that Takata, the women responsible for bringing it to the West, took liberties of her own. I agonized over what was right and what was wrong and second guessed a lot of it as I prepared for the training. After meditating, chatting with my Master and asking for guidance the message was clear “Teach what you learned, keep your intentions pure and your heart and mind open.” And the much needed reminder that this path of being a Master is not about knowing it all but about showing up to the practice and being dedicated to ongoing learning.

Did I know absolutely everything I needed to know? Not really. Did I have the most authentic version of the teachings? No one will ever know. Did I show up fully and share with my whole heart? Absolutely. And did my students learn something new that they can now share with others? You’re damn right they did!

The weekend was more than just about the Reiki Master teachings. It was about embracing ourselves just as we are, taking such good care of ourselves on a regular basis and answering the call to share as much love and healing with others as we can muster. That is true dedication to mastery.  And as the Dalai Lama says,

“The planet does not need more ‘successful people.’ The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds”

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Spiritual Hygiene – Just do it!

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I brush my teeth every day…at least twice a day really. But somehow I had convinced myself that I didn’t need to meditate every day. I told countless stories in my head about how I could still be spiritual, a good yogini and healer even, without a consistent meditation practice. It’s not that I didn’t try. I had periods where I got my butt to my cushion several days or even weeks in a row. But, it never became a daily routine I could keep.

I would be lying if I said that I am stellar at being consistent with anything. I struggle to keep healthy habits, like many of us I imagine. I had a period in my life where I juiced every day for close to two years, one of my best streaks to date!

Today, my 90th day of meditation in a row feels pretty sweet. Three months is a solid effort but it truly feels like a habit now. I felt validated about how far I have come this past weekend when I attended the Yoga Journal Live! conference. Friday morning I went to the guided meditation and I found myself wishing for more silence. The facilitator was, I suspect, just trying to make it accessible for everyone but she guided just a little too much for me. I was yearning to just be with my own thoughts. It was a pivotal moment.

Just to clarify, the goal of meditation is not to clear your mind of thoughts. That is an impossible task that would leave all of us feeling like failures. Meditation helps clear out the junk that life throws at us with the simple goal of more peace and a deeper connection to self. There is also a ton of research out there about how helpful it is on a mind, body and spirit level. Even the most skeptical can’t argue with the research about the many benefits of meditation.

I don’t find it easy all the time but just like anything in life, practice really does make better. And I have to say I feel more peaceful about a lot of things. I specifically noticed an area in which I would normally react, and most recently did not.

I totally understand if you are thinking meditation is not for you or if your mind is finding all the excuses. I have been there and I can’t promise I won’t end up there at some point in the future. But just for today, I am happily sitting for 20 minutes each day when I wake. It makes me a better wife, friend, teacher and human in general.

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