Wow, so much has changed since last month. More than I possibly ever could have imagined. I laughed as I logged in to write my monthly blog post and caught sight of the post I wrote last month. Letting Go of Busy. Hah! I think it’s safe to say with a shelter in place order in effect my busy days are over for now.

My husband and I are both home. He already works from home so that was fortuitous and I have been able to adjust my schedule to do my work by phone. It’s not the best use of my social worker connecting skills but currently it’s safest for me, baby, my patients and their families. We are both grateful to have work and have each other during this time.

Tomorrow is my husband and my 5 year anniversary of marriage and 11 years of being together. We had plans to take a little staycation/babymoon trip but that, like so many other things, has been cancelled. Instead we might order take out for the first time in awhile and have a picnic at home. We made the abrupt switch from eating out many a night (my motivation to cook and sometimes even just eat has been low throughout this pregnancy) to cooking in for every meal.

We already spend a lot of time together but we realize that we’re pretty good quarantine partners. Things haven’t exactly been low stress but we have not had any disagreements or cross words. The uncertainty of the future makes me nervous for so many reasons but for now I am counting my blessings. Our quarantine-aversary will be one for the books for sure. I haven’t quite wrapped my brain around bringing a baby into this brave new world we will hopefully emerge into, but I trust she has a plan for herself and our growing family.

I’ll leave you with 4 tips shared by trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk about getting through this time. I found it to be helpful. 1. Structure (try to stick to a schedule) 2. Connection (reach out and use the technology we have…hello zoom party!) 3. Movement (yoga, walk, stretch, dance) 4. Practice Competencies (we are all good at something, practice that as much as you can)

It’s not uncommon for me to have multiple things going on at once. More than one job, more than one project, definitely more than one book on my nightstand. Generally it fuels me, although I have also been known to bite off more than I can safely and effectively chew.

Last year I decided to take a break from teaching Reiki, something I really enjoy. It was a decision that was easy and difficult at the same time. Easy because I knew it needed to happen but difficult because it meant giving up an activity that provides a lot of joy and nourishment.

I also went through the IVF process last year which is a shit show (definitely the proper technical term) when it comes to stress, anxiety and emotions. And it worked! Worth all the shots and nerves and tears because I am now growing a human which I sometimes still can’t wrap my brain around (as she moves and kicks while I write this)

I had a vision for how my time before the baby arrives would go. I wanted to teach a class series I enjoy one last time, maybe take on a new client or two, continue delivering podcasts and virtual new moon circles, resume Reiki teaching and take a prenatal teacher training course.

So far I have completed my prenatal teacher training, which was great. The rest of it has fallen to the wayside due to being too sick, tired or overwhelmed. I still have some months left and I don’t know exactly what they will bring but I have to be ok with letting go of any expectations.

I had so little control over the process of conceiving and I know both birthing and parenting will bring that same lack of control. It seems the best course of action, the one I am being thrown into whether I like it or not, is to just go with the flow. And right now the flow is saying back off, lay low, get by.

And so for now, I am letting go of planning the next thing while navigating 5 other things already in process. Here’s to hoping it’s good practice for what’s to come.

I hit 20 weeks on Wednesday in this pregnancy I wasn’t sure I would ever get the chance to experience. It’s a miracle and I am grateful everyday but it definitely hasn’t been easy. Nausea, vomiting, fatigue and so much anxiety. Just getting through the day has been my goal most of the time. But I would take this over the struggles and sadness of infertility 100 times over. I had hoped since conceiving was so challenging I might have an easy breezy pregnancy, but there have been an abundance of lessons each step of the way and this part of the journey is no different.

I also had an expectation this period of gestation would be magical and creative and beautiful. I have seen small glimmers of this but so far it has mostly been an exercise in survival. But I often remind myself I am creating a life, what is more magical and creative and beautiful than that?!

Honestly most of the time it still feels unreal that I am growing a human after so much disappointment. The moments I really tune into the magic of all of this, I am moved to tears of joy that she chose me and her dad. We have been waiting a long time for her appearance in our lives and we can’t wait to meet her.

As we near the end of this decade, the idea of the 10 year challenge has been popping up online. Folks are posting a photo of themselves in 2009 and then one in 2019 with a reflection on how things have changed and maybe how they have stayed the same. Because my husband and I celebrated 10 years together earlier this year, it’s been on my mind to share about us versus just me. Ten years is a solid amount of time to spend with someone. I’m grateful for our partnership and look forward to the next 10+. I love that he recently commented that we haven’t aged that much. It’s a sweet thought but when I look back on who we were 10 years ago, the fact that we have aged is a blessing to me.

I certainly didn’t see myself allowing this type of love. I was weary of love and marriage but it’s been the best thing ever and has enhanced my life immensely. It’s not been without it’s challenges though. Some of which have been welcome challenges and a large part of much needed growth. Some, on the other hand I wish we could have avoided altogether. Life often throws as many curveballs as it does blessings.

When I met my husband I was 26 and told him that I had pictured myself being married and pregnant by the time I was 27. By the way, mentioning that to him on our third date went over like a lead balloon. But if you know me at all, you know I am not known for my tact or ability to filter myself. The universe certainly had other things in mind and nothing went to any sort of plan I had laid out. But, it’s all been perfect and just the way it was meant to unfold.

I’m glad we have grown together, explored together and given each other the freedom to evolve separately. We have experienced triumph and tribulation, joy and sadness, silliness and strife and I still choose you every day. This life is a trip so it’s best if you find someone who you can travel well with. To the next 10 years!

I love dressing up. Not just for Halloween but for any party or event. My husband and I have a costume closet in our house that we add things to each time we create something new. It’s fun to always have a last minute costume to throw together. I’ve had Mary Poppins on the mind for a few years and it was fun to make it happen this year. I love the way she makes average things seem magical; a quality I think we could all benefit from having in our lives. It’s also a major bonus that she sings all the time. I honestly think everything would be better if we lived inside of a musical. Can you imagine the fun if there was a song and dance break during work, while you were grocery shopping or even in moments of conflict. And who doesn’t love a spoonful of sugar be it literal or figurative. What are some ways you can bring more magic into your life? How can you let in more sweetness and more song and dance?

Happy Halloween!

We are at the end of August which I can hardly believe. Time is a funny thing. My commitment to myself and my website is at least one post per month. But, I find myself at the end of a month without anything specific to say. Of course there is plenty going on in the world and in my own life but nothing is standing out as important to share. I find myself straddling a fine line between anxiety and gratitude, unfulfilled desires and unending joy. The juxtaposition is both beautiful and challenging, expected and frustrating. So I will share an article that was recently released detailing the specifics about my business. My wish is to support people in understanding their body and finding moments of clarity and deep connection. May we all have the time and space to explore our highest potential.

http://sdvoyager.com/interview/conversations-inspiring-jesalyn-eatchel/

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my backyard lately. The weather is warming (although we are definitely experiencing some June gloom in San Diego) and I love the opportunity to get outside first thing in the morning. It’s where I do my morning meditation and movement practice which is looking less and less like yoga as time passes. I have a super inspiring podcast interview coming soon by a woman who writes poetry. I tried my hand at some the other morning because as she mentioned in the episode, the only way to write is to start writing. Look for her interview next month on Wildish Wise Women. There are lots of other neat things coming to that space which I am excited to share soon.

An Ode to My Backyard

Breathe in the birdsong of the morning
Let it wash over your tired soul
Goodness knows this is not where you thought you would be
Breathe it in anyway

Feel the pulse of the Earth
Her heart beats steadily through pain and destruction 
Even the sick or injured bird still sings a song.